YOLO
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I’ve been hearing a lot about this YOLO shit. Read the rest of this entry »
Tea at Starbucks
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Every time I order a tea at Starbucks it goes a little something like this:
me: Tea.
guy: What kind?
me: Orange Pekoe.
guy: Uh… you mean Wake Up (TM)
me: What the fuck is Wake Up?
guy: Black tea.
me: Jesus Christ. Fine. Ya that one.
guy: Venti????
me: You mother fucker >:(
2 Things
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There are only two things I know about Gordon lightfoot and they are thus:
- He is Canadian
- That god awful noise I heard coming from a goldbeige 1978 Ford Mustang II, one day at racing as it yawed and pitched around the course, was apparently Gordon Lightfoot and not a failing water pump.
That is all.
Call of the Dirty Pretty
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Have you ever put all your cutlery in a blender and turned it on “Liquify”?
Combine that sound with the sound of a bald eagle eating attacking a cat, all getting eaten by a velociraptor. That’s the exact sound my car is making right now, everywhere I drive.
I’m reasonably certain that sometime in the very near future a wheel is going snap right off the car and book it down the street like that dungeon guy’s kids.
I’M FREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Stupid wheel get back in the dungeon >:(
Er… A Blog a Weekday?
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Well so much for a blog a day. I was driving home on Saturday night around 1 thinking: “Shit, I forgot to blog today :(”
I don’t think that I quite thought out this whole “Blog a Day” concept. Apparently weekends also contain these “Day” things that I’ve been hearing so much about. Hence forth, and to protect myself from becoming a failure, I will write 31 (minus 2) posts on weekdays!
I probably shouldn’t count this one either.
Bah.
Mondays
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I was lying in bed around 2:30 am last night thinking about the point in the morning when I would be at work and all zombie -_- uuuuuuuuuugh fuck everything ssshhhhhhhh whysoloud shhhhhhhhh
And that point this morning I did that exact thing and in turn thought about that time last night at 2:30 am when I was staring at the ceiling thinking about what I imagined that moment to be like, and it was exactly how I imagined it and it sucked.
Then my brain exploded and then I went to make a tea.
Fuck Mondays.
Uncreative
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I’ve been feeling it lately. But then I saw the epitome of uncreativeness on Whyte the other day. Some of you cool dear readers out there may have heard about this cupcake store that is all the rage: Flirt. It has a quasi sexual name and is all nuevo and intriguing. I’ve heard it is meh and more hype than delicious. I bet it won’t be around that long. Especially not now that another cupcake stand has opened up on Whyte ave.
It’s merely a few blocks up the same street. It also sells only cupcakes, and it’s name starts with an F: Fuss Cupcakes. Could there be a more blatant rip off? That is a zero effort business venture.
I think the only thing that could save 2 distinct mediocre cupcake joints operating on the same block is a no-holds-barred, thug-lyfe, gangland war the likes of which Compton has never seen.
I want Montague v Cupcakulets blood shed! Little cupcake soldiers with icing cannons destroying each other for world supremacy.
In the end if they both destroy themselves, that’s probably for the best. Make room for more hotdog/slurpee stores.
Happy 4/20
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Today is April 20th, also known by snowboarders and the unemployed as 4/20!
I’ve heard that, today, at precisely 4:20pm, there is going to be a province wide protest of the fact that the government doesn’t allow smoking weed in schools, operating rooms, churches, and airplanes. This is a beautiful thing. Not the protest itself – that’s idiotic. Rather the very idea that a bunch of pot heads are going to get together, at a specific time, on a specific day to do anything, besides play xbox and eat chimichangas, is glorious. Never mind they intend to actually protest something – it’s gorgeously ironic.
All in all, we're just like sand through the hourglass
I can’t wait to see the immediate reaction the government will have to strong public outcry on this important issue, when 4 dudes in a 1968 Volkswagen camper van show up at 4:38 looking confused. No doubt public opinion will be swayed directly by the shanty town of broken lawn chairs and impromptu compost piles that represents slacker utopia. Ghandi would be so proud – a bunch of stoners rallying is tantamount to a parade put on by a group of nhilists. Or, you know, whatever.
Irregardless of the upcoming siesta of a protest, the better part of 4/20 is the fact that it is also Adolph Hitler’s birthday today. This is great news if you’re heading down listen to some spoken word poetry and slow, out of time, bongo music at the aforementioned protest. Here is a sample conversation that I had in actual real life today:
me: Dude happy 4/20
Matthew McConoughey: Thanks Brah!
me: I didn’t know you celebrated 4/20
Matthew McConoughey: Oh hell ya dude. 4/20 everyday
me: That’s awesome – are all these people here to celebrate Hitler’s Birthday? Which was your favourite Nazi? Rommel?
Matthew McConoughey: Bogus :(
~~fin~~
Also, Pink Floyd sucks. There, I said it.
Music Review: Catherine Wheel – Black Metallic
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Black Metallic is apparently a classic 90s rock track which I was sent to review. According to the youtube comments it holds precious memories of better days for many. I don’t think I’ve ever heard it before which is good – my review will be untainted by images of plaid shirts and Sony Walkmans.
So far this song sounds like it was recorded in a bathroom. These guys are pretty obviously Irish, which in itself is not a problem, but in order for me to understand what they’re saying I need to read the Old Testament while drinking motor oil in short brown pants. The only word I can clearly make out is Skin, so unless this is about tanning, I can only assume its political tirade about the Exxon Valdez. Either that or an ode to the bathroom from Trainspotting.
I’m not even sure this song is in time. These guys want to be Nirvana so bad they’re not just de-tuning their guitars, they’ve gone into the edgy realm of not actually learning how to play instruments in the first place. Black Metallic isn’t a song so much as it is a single chord played at the beginning of the track and then the “band” fiddles with the reverb knob for the rest of the song like they’re trying to hail Sputnik on a radio made from brown beans and discarded washing machine parts.
The production value is where this song really falls down. If it sounded any further away I probably wouldn’t be able to hear it at all, and thus I’d probably think it was good, or, at the very least, not horrible. Silence has better melody and songwriting skills than these guys will ever have.
Verdict: Bland as unsalted rice cakes. If this song were beer, Ireland herself would declare it “water” and use it to wash the storm sewers clean of discarded Sinead O’Connor cassette jackets and the Ebola virus.
Listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0O9uNvoMec
Music Review: 01 Run.mp3
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I was emailed this mp3 with no other information. I can’t tell you who it is by or really anything else about it, but I can tell you how it sounds!
This song sounds like a Boney M Christmas cut and pasted under someone reading a junior high level poetry assignment. Hmm what Rhymes with Run?
How about Run?
Run! Nice…. that will work.
Ok what else rhymes with run?
Run does!
96% of all lyrics in this song are either Run, run, or run. The only thing repeated more in this crapfest is the boring beach boys guitar. Just an fyi this song is the basis for the entire plot of next season’s The O.C. The only reason anyone should listen to this is if you’re trying to hookup for some hot-buttered bromance on the beach with your favorite sandal-wearing, plaid-shirted, trucker hat locked on douche bag.
Verdict: Sucks. Badly.