Making New Friends
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I went skiing this weekend with a friend of mine, his brother and two of his brother’s friends – guys I had just met a few minutes ago. Read the rest of this entry »
Vroom Noise
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I decided to do a few things to my car for the upcoming race season. Read the rest of this entry »
Meet and Greet
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Today we had a department meet and greet for my company. It was the usual get to know your new co-workers team building stuff. That means games. Read the rest of this entry »
Usual Tuesday Suit
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I was just watching Outkast’s “Hey Ya” video, you know the one that’s like if Andre 3000 were all the Beatles at the same time, wildly violating the principles of Newtonian physics.
I'm sorry Ms Jackson. Ooooo! These pants are for reeeeaaal
I don’t know why I don’t dress like that more often.
The 80s styles that are coming back are recoilingly ugly. If we’re going to do retro, let’s go all out people. Cover your ass in green argyle golf pants and suspenders and head on in to work. If it’s good enough for the country club it’s good enough for business formal.
With this in mind I bought a suit like the one that Andre is wearing – only mine is a brown and grey 3 piece. I envisioned walking into work looking fly and fresh to death:
“Sorry folks, I’d love to review your business case, but I just look way too fucking good.”
Unfortunately, though the cleaning instructions said “Dry Clean Only” I washed it in my washing machine. I had to. I wore it at a bachelor party and I ended up covered in purple Sourpuss and whiskey. I was walking around smelling like virgins at a country bar, so I washed it.
Evidentially, when clothes say “Dry Clean Only”, it’s for good reason.
In this case the reason is that my now excellent smelling 3 piece suit came out of the dryer looking as wrinkled and haggard as Mickey Rourke’s face. This did not deter me from my plan however, and I proudly wore my suit in to work only to be mistaken (by nearly everyone in the office) as either homeless, or hungover, apparently having just woken up from sleeping it off in a springtime-fresh dumpster. How I managed to stagger in, looking so bad, but smelling so damn good was a total mindfuck.
Also it turns out that my suit, as well as Andre’s, is plaid, so I guess the moral of my story is that there is an important difference between plaid and argyle: pi/4 radians.
How You Do It
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I was talking to someone the other day and the subject of doin’ it came up. So to speak. This is how you do it:
You do it like you cook a burrito.
3 minutes on HIGH
then flip over
3 minutes the other side. On HIGH
Bing, all done.
Ladies.
F1 is Going to be Awesome – Part Two: Tires
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After 11 years Formula 1 is finally abandoning the stupid grooved tyres they’ve been running. This is fantastic news because the old tires are ugly.
Painted Vomit Colour to Highlight Ugliocity
Back in the day when Formula 1 cars were using hydraulically controlled suspension systems and the teams discovered that “computers” could be used to make cars go faster, the cornering G force was getting to be dangerously high. Like fighter jet high. So high that the FIA (the people that write the rules in F1) thought drivers might pass out from lack of blood to the brain (lol bonerz) or the weight of their helmets might rip their brain boxen clean from their body.
(Un) Fortunately this didn’t happen, though it would have made for some pretty gruesome TV. To slow the cornering speed down, the rules were changed to mandate that all tyres must be of a certain size and must have 4 grooves in them, sort of like those old school tractor tyres. Effectively this means less rubber on the track surface, and less grip from the tyres. Less grip means drivers were forced to slow down in corners, thus keeping their heads attached without the aid of Popsicle sticks and string.
The plan worked to keep the drivers alive but as the focus shifted from mechanical grip to aeronautical grip the race focus shifted from totally awesome to ultra lame. Passing was replaced by not passing and people watching F1 were replaced with the sound of tumbleweeds meandering through an empty pasture.
Look at the Gs!
Now slick tyres are back! This means more mechanical grip, so even though there is going to be less downforce because of the previously discussed new aero rules, cornering speed should be balanced out by the additional rubber on the road. In theory, passing will increase in the corners and with it excitement will increase in the everywhere.
Plus the new tires are much better looking which increases, not only hotness, but also awesomeness. Therefore, via Modus Ponens – F1 this year is going to be awesome!
F1 is Going to be Awesome – Part One: Baby Why You So Sexy?
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I don’t know how many of you out there on these tubes are excited about F1 this year, but I’m excited like WOAH. Not since the Mika v. Michael era have I been this excited about Formula 1. I really haven’t been following F1 all that avidly for very long, and less since Schumacher retired, but there is so much Awesome happening this year that I can’t help being pumped.
I didn’t intend for this to be a series of posts but I realized that I have so much to talk about I’m going to split it up into sections. Also it seems I can’t work the thumbnails properly so click on the pictures to see the whole image.
2009 v 2008
First off the new hotness. The 2009 cars are sexy – much better looking than they have been for the past few years. Gone are the weird aerodynamic fins, levers, cantilevers, fulcrums, braces, scoops, diving boards, viking horns, travel rabbits and other miscellaneous chattel that clung on to the F1 cars of the last 5 years like pine needles in my socks from the Christmas tree I tried to grow in the kitchen of my condo. (Ask me about planting things in the dishwasher!)
The 2009 cars must adhere to new regulations regarding the theoretical “box” the car’s body must fit in and the amount of surface area that can be used to produce downforce. This is, in my opinion, a good idea that has been far too long coming. F1 of late has become horrible for passing – no one can do it because the goal of F1 aerodynamics engineers has been to gain as much downforce (and therefore grip) as possible with your car’s wings while leaving the air behind you as dirty as possible, thus making it impossible for cars coming up from behind to maintain any grip in the corners.
Vikings on Parade
Like a computation fluid dynamics Roger Moore, F1 aero engineers have been building in oil slicks behind the cars for years. Hence no passing. And no passing sucks. They should just make CP Rail run at 200 mph and boom that’s what an F1 race looks like (with the red cars still in the front – Oh Burn Hamilton fans).
Yeesh
The idea is that the new cars will have smaller front and rear wings, thus shifting the focus from aerodynamic grip (downforce generated by the wind) to mechanical grip (grip generated by the suspension design and tyres). Because the cars will have more mechanical grip, they should be able to maintain speed in the corners even if they are right behind another car.
There is one more aspect about the aero changes this year to look out for – movable aerodynamics. The new front wings (vings) have sections on them that can be tilted by the driver to increase grip. So if a driver feels like the car is losing grip during cornering, she can crank up the angle of the wing, and get all that grip back. This will, in theory, further increase the ability of the new cars to tuck up under another car and still maintain speed and grip, and speed and grip in the corners means more passing, and passing is awesome.
Therefore by induction: F1 is Awesome.
The New Hotness
Scuderia Bella
Lock Eyes - From Across the Room