Vroom Noise
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I decided to do a few things to my car for the upcoming race season. Read the rest of this entry »
W U
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Earlier today I had a moment of panic.
I wasn’t paying attention and had to pee. I wandered into the bathroom and started to go. Oh shit. I thought. Am I in the wrong bathroom?
Is this the women’s urinal?
Wait.
Idiot.
F1 is Going to be Awesome – Part Four: Ross Brawn
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It might seem a little ridiculous to give one man his own entire reason for F1 being awesome this year – I mean there are lots of great people to watch this season. For example: Flavio Briatore may have recently
Bernie
threatened to kill Bernie Eccelstone (who is a living representation of a Bridge Troll). Bernie immediately retorted that Flavio’s gun better be loaded and intimated that if Flavio were to miss, he was already making a bouillabaisse to simmer Briatore’s dead body in.
Of course there is always Max Mosley and his ongoing legal blitzkrieg to try to cleanse his name after being exposed re-enacting girls gone wild Auschwitz edition. Not that that has anything to do with racing, but naked girls and Nazi sex always get the good ink.
Pubetastibeard
And that’s not even touching the driver’s side of the sport. Each driver has a cliche story that has been following him around during the off season: After being hit by a car in a bicycle race he himself organized, will Mark Weber ever catch a break? Will Hamilton be able to overcome the new McLaren’s crappiness or will he jump ship to drive the whiny bus all season? Will Kimi continue to be an incomprehensible, alcohol-powered, sleep factory? Is Kubica’s head really made out of cabbage? Can Massa even drive a car, like at all?
Team Beard GP Team Principal and Cheif Beardy Beard
Only time will tell (time is a gossipy little so-and-so), but the biggest story this season surely must be Ross Brawn and his “new” team Brawn GP. After the dismal failure of Team Honda (the F1 team) these past few years, Honda (the car company) afraid of the current world markets, backed out of F1. Ross Brawn along with Nick Fry (former Honda team principle and general idiot at large) managed to buy out Honda to form Brawn GP.
Normally this wouldn’t be much news, just another team doomed to failure with no budget. Except that Ross Brawn has a glorious beard, rivaled only by the teen heart-throb, pube-chin, of Brawn GP driver Jenson Button. Add to that the latest rumor circling F1… circles… that Beardy Branson himself is about to announce Virgin sponsorship of Team Beard GP. The sheer volume of dapper, luxurious, man-fur on this team cannot be held at bay. No amount of italian tight pants and bug-eye sunglasses will ruin the throbbing machesemo of Team Brawn. Not to mention the fact that Brawn is the man cheifly responsible for the car that helped Schumacher completely dominate F1 for the better part of a decade around 2000. Mostly though, it’s the beards.
Daddy Money-Beard
The critics, however, have been saying “Pfft – what can one guy do? Spearheading a team that has sucked for years, with no sponsors, and no engine? They’re going to get their assess kicked with big European boots.” Despite the long odds, Beard GP managed to secure a deal with Mercedes for an engine and in only 6 weeks, showed up to practice in Spain with a running F1 car. Brawn then proceeded to comb his lustrous face-rug up and down the pit lane and spanked every single person who has had anything to say about Team Beard – beating the fastest times set by anyone else by more than 2 full seconds per lap.
That is a huge margin in race terms, and if these times keep up during actual races, Brawn GP would easily walk away with the championship and would probably lap the slower cars 2 to 3 times per race. That’s Club Vandersexx levels of spanking. Of course practice times are about as valuable as a sweat suit made out of bacon, but all of this drama and talk about beards breeds excitement, which is awesome. Post hoc ergo propter hoc – so is F1.