Heavy Leg
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Yesterday I had a pretty stellar medical day. First I had a dentist appointment then I went to see the doctor about the piece of HAMMER that I have in my leg.
The dentist wasn’t so bad, except that they had to freeze my gums this time and that hurt like a bitch and tasted terrible. Apparently this bled a lot because I swallowed a ton of blood. I don’t know how vampires do it. That shit is vile. Right after that I went down to the ole Medicentre to have my Leg looked at.
When I first arrived I took a number and waited. When my number was called the nurse asked me “What seems to be the problem?”
Me: I have a chunk of hammer stuck in my leg!
Nurse: WHAT?! Jesus christ. Come with me, this is a fast-track situation!
Me: Well… I’m not in pain or anything, I …
Nurse: COME WITH ME >:(
So off I go on a fast track situation, which means (as it turns out), sit in a 32 degree oven and fall asleep for an hour while the doctor drives in from the Yukon to see you. Not that I’m mocking our privatized health care system or anything.
Like HELLO I was injured working on my BEE EM DOUBLE YOU, I want EXPEDITED SERVICE HERE!
When the doctor showed up, I welcomed him and showed off my sweet magnet technique from before. He wasn’t impressed.
Dr.: Pfft I can do that *Puts magnets on arm which promptly fall off*
Me: Pfft check THIS out *sticks magnets to leg and waves leg around*
Dr.: Duuuuude! That is AWESOME!! Alright let’s cut you open *makes karate chop action in the air*
I was immediately impressed. This guy is kick ass. Cut away you crazy diamond.
Once I was all frozen up (in the leg this time), he started cutting into me, and digging around inside my leg for some chunks of metal. After about 7 minutes of unsuccessful spelunking, he said he couldn’t find anything.
Me: Dude, what about the magnet?! Want to try that?
Dr.: YA! Man that’s a great idea! Stick it on there!
So I grab the magnet and squish it into the hole. Sure enough it sticks.
Dr.: Shit, still something in there I guess.
Me: Hey! Think the magnet will pull it out?
Dr.: That’d be sweet! Try it!
It didn’t work, so my next step was to go for an X-Ray. I was hoping to parlay this injury into superhero-dom so I brought in a spider with me for the X-raying, thinking maybe, just maybe, our DNA would combine or something. I’ll show you Toby Maguire.
That didn’t work either.
I took my X-Ray back to the Dr. and we analysed it.
That little guy? I wouldn't worry about that little guy
I squinted and thought “well there is a fucking chunk of metal right there inside my leg”
Dr.: *squints* Hmm, looks inconclusive.
Me: *blinks* What about that chunk of metal there in my leg *points at chunk*
Dr.: Well I think we’re going to need to hear from the radiologist. Could be the stitches. If not you’re going to have to get general surgery.
Me: Sweet!
Anyway here is another gross picture of my leg being stitched up.
And then the bunny runs around the tree and ... shit wait. Um...
Safety Squint
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I had a bit of a mishap with working on the car yesterday. Apparently when people recommend that you wear safety glasses, you fucking should. It’s important, you know, for the seeing.
Don’t get me wrong, I love a good safety squint, but if you want to keep on looking at stuff, put some Buddy Holly’s on your face or you’ll go blind.
Changing the axle on the Dirty Pretty yesterday was one of those times where that became quite evident. You see most axles get seized in place and require a sledge hammer to massage out. Unfortunately we didn’t have one at the time, so I was trying to knock the axle out with a framing hammer and another hammer (as a punch). This was working about as well as you’d expect such a shitty setup to work: not at all.
What did happen though is, a few swings in, a chunk of the punch hammer rocketed off and shot directly into my leg. It didn’t hurt all that much, but fuck did it bleed.
I had to throw out my sock :(
I assumed it was just a flesh wound but it occurred to me this morning to check if there was a bit of hammer still in my leg. What is the best way to do that?
SCIENCE!
Using a couple of rare earth magnets, I put them onto my leg over the hammer hole.
A stronger magnet would also solve this problem
Sure enough they stuck in place, even when I turned my leg upside down.
Stay tuned for how I extract it using a Tesla coil and a Juicy Fruit wrapper!
I’d say there is still some hammer in there.
Off to the hospital I go :(