With Teeth
Posted by Admin | Filed under Hurrbot
<Hurrbot> What has 112 teeth and holds back the incredible Hulk? My zipper.
The Church Lady
Posted by Admin | Filed under Posts
There is a lady in my office who goes to church quite a bit. Or at least it seems that way. I try to avoid her as much as possible because she’s old and annoying to talk to but I’ve had two exchanges with her that stick out in my mind. Oh also she is from Jamaica, so dial up that accent as you read through.
One morning I was in the coffee room making myself a tea, chatting with a co-worker about my weekend and what I did. I think I said that I was at a concert, or at a race and was therefore really tired. Out of nowhere The Church Lady comes in with “You need to go to church and you need to pray to the Lord!”
I just stand there and blink, completely unable to comprehend what just happened. She took this as her in to continue on for a good 5 minutes about how “I should come and congregate with her and her church to serve the Lord” and that “I should purge myself of evil and live a clean life” She was like a whirlwind and was gone as fast as she arrived, leaving me in stunned silence.
The latest one happened yesterday as someone was selling Santa ornaments for her kid’s school or something. Naturally this enraged the Church Lady. She went on a rant about how much she hated Santa and would not be spending a single penny on anything Santa related, since Santa was fake and only angels are real. She further lamented that if only Santa was an angel she would buy hundreds of dollars worth of Santa Angels to support the lady’s kid. But not Santa, oh no, not Santa. He’s fake and evil. Remember that kids.
Christmas List
Posted by Admin | Filed under Posts
I thought I should write down all my ideas for what I’m going to get my friends and family for christmas time.
1) Socks
~Fin~
Lawman
Posted by Admin | Filed under Posts
I’m really pumped about this new show Lawman that just came out. It stars the one and only Steven Seagal as himself – only now that he isn’t acting, he’s gone out and joined The Police. Not like the “Roxanne” Police, but the actual, “I’m a cop you idiot”, Police.
This show is a “reality” show about him going doing his day to day cop stuff. I quoted “reality” because I can’t think of anything more surreal than being pulled over for being naughty by actual Steven Seagal. It’s so meta that as I write this I can feel my brain expanding and my soul levitating above me to watch myself type this out. Somewhere in spacetime Rene Descarte is channeling Keanu: “woooooooaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh duuuuuuuuuude bro”
I haven’t seen it yet, but I yearn for someone to argue a parking ticket with him only for him to respond in a monitone voice “I’m the Lawman” before hurling them through the windshield of their own car using his slow-motion Judo chops.