I’m Famous
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People are taking notice and starting to advertise my blog all over the world. Check this out!
Paint My Shed
FCDCC – Rules Update!
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After some long deliberation we’re narrowing in on some rules for FCDCC and they are as follows
- Device must fit within a 1 metre cube. It can operate outside of that cube, but it at rest it must fit within this box.
- Golf balls for payload
- Glue must be able to be purchased at home depot. Nothing made out of moon rocks
- Payload distance will be measured from the first point it touches the ground
- Device must be stationary at the time of launch. It can move as a result of launching the projectile but it cannot take a run at it.
- Device will be operated from the ground. No 100ft tall platforms Falkenbe >:(
Don’t forget this is happening on Canada Day so if you want to participate, get going! It’s going to be complicated.
The Divine Plan?
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I’m not a huge believer in the institution of religion, but I sort of have an inkling that there is a lot that we, as humans, have yet to discover, or have yet to describe accurately.
Is all this superfluous Aether purposeful? Are we all indeed interconnected? How much free-will is there and how does it tie into destiny? Do our decisions really matter? Is there a divine order? What if the creationists are on to something?
I was just playing Tetris when all these questions flooded my mind, because I had just taken a poop so big it made me wonder if God intended for me to be gay. How can something that large have come out of me, and there not be a divine plan associated with that? I’m assuming that not everyone can have 3 feet of anything inside them and live to tell about it.
I’m not even walking funny.
Anyway it’s really strange because I love boobs, so if this talent was intended for me, I wish I could trade it to someone that could use it. Maybe they can trade me how to clean my bathroom, because that is an issue that has come to the fore with striking immediacy.
Music Review: The Respectables feat. Gordie Johnson – Sugar
Posted by Admin | Filed under Media Review
Oh my god.
This has the name Gordie Johnson in the title. I’m putting on my plastic pants because surely this is going to be awesome. Let’s find out – PLAY!
This.
Is.
Awesome!
Oh god how I have missed Gordie and his guitar. The rock sound in “Sugar” is similar to “Better Get Used to It”, and reminds me of good times in high school. There is no stereo in the world that can play this song loud enough. The good Lord himself is frantically upgrading his home theater so that he can play this song so loud that it is even too loud for him.
Gordie’s growl is epic, his guitar is thick, and the rock is tangible. It’s in my office sitting on my desk, in sunglasses, smugly disdaining everything in the world that is not this rock. Gordie is just so damn good. If you don’t like this song – we’re going to have a fight.
Listen to it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuDkXt0rMkk
Adventures in Gluing
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Poor Horses. They go from being majestic, powerful, carrot eating, unicorns in waiting, to being shipped off to the glue factory – their only destiny to be churned into a sticky paste, not unlike the one that created the horse in the first place.
I remember back in elementary school watching a kid named Dan Stevenson eat an entire bottle of Elmers white glue. He even took the lid off and used a Popsicle stick to reach way down inside and get the last gluebules from the very bottom corners of the bottle. For dessert he ate the gel out of the cushions of his shoes. If that kid doesn’t have brain damage or a job working for the EPS, I’ll be surprised.
Normally I use caulk for this kind of job
It wasn’t until I stated working on my entry for the phenomenal FbBoFYPBBCaR! that I discovered glue is a privilege, not a right, and with great glue comes great responsibility. Never did I think I could stack up to Dan Stevenson in terms of stupidity avec glue, but I just might have achieved that. I’ll let you, dear reader, decide.
The first problem that I had was the mixing – the glue I had came in 2 parts. The individual parts are sticky but not quite glue, however when combined they’re like joining welding with a countdown timer.
The glue had were very specific instructions on the container, but it was broken down into 2 scenarios:
- If you pour out an ounce of part 1, use 12 drops of part 2
- If you use 1/3 the container of part 1, use 1/3 of part 2
Seems fairly straight forward. But I needed more than an ounce so I eyeballed ‘er. And what the fuck kind of measurement constitutes a drop? Everything was going swimmingly until all of a sudden the container I was mixing in got a bit warm and what I was stirring turned solid into a 5 pin bowling ball.
I panicked and slapped the whole ball onto my bridge hoping to glue something together so as not to waste nearly a third of my glue that had just turned into a shot-put. What I actually ended up with was some sticks with a big solid sphere sitting on top of them. I suck at this gluing.
This debacle left me with quite a bit of glue on my hands and further reading of the instructions revealed the glue to be a so called “skin irritant”. Fuck WHIMIS, I got my manly prowess and a safety squint.
Turns out the way glue cures is by heat – the two parts create an exothermic reaction which then hardens the glue. Science is so cool. What isn’t cool is what happens when you try to wash off yet uncured glue, a skin irritant, off your hands with hot water. It went like this:
“OW HOT!!!!” (water)
“OW BURNING!!!!” (glue)
“OW HOT!!!” (water)
“OW BURNING!!!!” (glue)
and repeat.
Following that, I switched over to Weldbond which somehow managed to be stickier, but also suck completely at holding anything together. I suspect Weldbond is actually plain white glue, not only did it not work as a glue at all, but I got it all over my hands. I thought this wouldn’t be a big deal considering how bad it was at holding together popsicle sticks, until I went pee and tried to use toilet paper. Weldbond is specifically engineered to instantly bond toilet paper to fingers.
As soon as I touched the roll, I was instantly bonded to it for eternity. I panicked and grabbed at it with my other hand which then subsequently was covered in TP. No amount of shrieking and flailing about would seperate the toilet paper from my hands.
I suck at gluing.