Funbarn Canada Day Catapult Competition (FCDCC)
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After the hugely successful FbBoFYPBBCaR! I have been inundated with literally (actually) one single request to do something totally boss and ultra-rad for the next Funbarn ridiculous engineering contest. The original idea was proposed by team That’s a Huge Bitch, but basically involved building a bridge. I think he just wanted to win and then gloat again. I figured that it was just a bit too close to FbBoFYPBBCaR! to have another bridge building contest but not too close to have another ridiculous AWESOMEfest. With that in mind I present to you:
The Funbarn Canada Day Catapult Competition (FCDCC)!
Since all of the teams that participated in FbBoFYPBBCaR! have a huge amount of popsicle sticks left, the materials list for FCDCC is as such:
- Popsicle Sticks
- Glue
- String
- Straws
- Elastic Bands
Again we will have teams of 2 max competing within a price limit of $33.33 to build some kind of launching device that will launch a payload some distance. I’m open to suggestions on rules and restrictions and perhaps standardizing a payload.
The contest will conclude on Canada day, 2009 and winners will be judged in the following categories:
- Coolest Team Name
- Distance and/or Height
- Accuracy
- Power to Weight (Ariel Atom Honurary Cup)
- Craziness of Design (Tim the Tool Man Royal Pine Medallion)
- Glitterocity (Dixie Cup)
Prize for 1st place in the main event will be an ice cream sammich. Comment here or drop me an email to register your team if you have suggestions for a rules.
FbBoFYPBBCaR! – The Final Results
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Welp, the innagural FbBoFYPBBCaR! has wrapped up and the event itself was spectacular. There were tears of joy, tears of pain, tears of indifference, and tears of teardrops on the road to glory and defeat. Defeat is just south of da knees fyi.
Without further ado here are the results:
In first place with a decidedly delirious weight of 220 lbs, team That’s a Huge Bitch destroyed the competition. First prize of an ice cream sammich was allowed to melt only slightly before being devoured in a deluge of deliciousness.
Second place with a surprising and significant sum of 195lbs, team Bridgenbe steamed past the stiffs to stifle the scoffs. Despite being the slightest bridge in the sport, at a scant 700 grams, Bridgenbe was strong, claiming not only second place, but also the sought after swag: the Ariel Atom Cup. The cup, in this instance, substantiated itself in the style of a saucer of corn flakes.
Third place at a triumphant tonnage of 150lbs was team Bridges Out. This tantalizing treat started its life as a trapezoidal log cabin only to be toppled by a single tiny droplet of unattached adhesive. In the end that tear caused total ruination, but the tragedy was not without retribution. The entrant was awarded the Tim the Tool man prize: a Royal Pine scented car air freshener tree.
Fourth in your programs and fourth in your hearts was my own entry: team You Fuck One Goat. I had furlongs of potential in my formidible entry but it was to be. My fortunes were faded when a feather-weight mass of just 120lbs felled my fountations and folded my reinforcements. My prize was shame :(
The glorious position of fifth was awared to team 13 Spades. This glittery goliath gave way with grace at a gelded weight of 35 lbs. Greatness was not to be missed however as the purple glitter granted this entry the prize for best looking bridge.
All in all it was a terrible amount of fun and I’m already starting to work on my entry for next year. The rules, however, will probably take months to write. Thanks to everyone that participated for participating.
Should you be so inclined, the pictures and video are available upon request. If you don’t already have them, comment below or email me and I’ll send them along to you poste haste!
Video Review: Daft Punk – Technology
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Daft punk has a penchant for cool and usually retro, videos – so I’m looking forward to this. In fact one of my favourite videos of all time is the video for “Da Funk”, which features a human sized dog-man walking around on crutches carrying a boom-box. He’s just like a normal guy with some awesome beats, but then he misses the bus. Poor puppy :(
I’m hoping for an sweet video here, and have been told to check out the robot. I will keep my eyes peeled.
In true Daft Punk fashion this video has a stylishly retro, 8-bit introduction going on and HOLY GOD WHAT IN THE SWEET BUTTERED FUCK IS THAT THING?!?!
Hmm. I believe that I’ve spotted the Robot.
Wow – that’s got to be the creepiest damn thing I’ve ever seen. Its like Chucky but lacking in skin, and anything that doesn’t have any skin is scary and wrong. Yes, even Robbie Williams. Yeesh! It’s a good thing I kept my eyes peeled because I might just have missed him and that would have sucked because this robot has an important message for the kids:
Kids, you will look absolutely hideous should you remove all your skin.
Now I see what I’d look like if I kept my eyes peeled all the time and therefore :safteySquint:
Imagine the plot of iRobot if Asimov’s robots looked like this guy. There wouldn’t even be a story to tell. Somethings are just so ugly that you can tell at first glance they should die (the Goblin Shark, for one). Will Smith would have Aww Hell Naww’d in the first 2 minutes and blown the robot up no questions asked. People would have rejoiced. Broom – movie over. Thankfully.
Somewhere in the bowels of Deutschland, Rammstein is hanging upside down in a broken down meat locker, beating themselves with iron pipe for not inventing this robot first. They had to settle for a midget clad in leather to follow them around on tour handing out dildos and ball gags. How pedestrian. Also, I’m pretty sure the two dudes playing guitar in this video are an homage to Robert Palmer’s guitar girls – but for a modern, creepy as fuck, time. Its the year hellthousand and DEAR GOD WHY. Prepare to die.
Verdict: Creepy video, but good song. Parents, if you’re looking around for a lullaby maybe skip this and check out something by Lamb Chop or perhaps Marilyn Manson.
Watch it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPZJYQXQsm8
Happy 4/20
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Today is April 20th, also known by snowboarders and the unemployed as 4/20!
I’ve heard that, today, at precisely 4:20pm, there is going to be a province wide protest of the fact that the government doesn’t allow smoking weed in schools, operating rooms, churches, and airplanes. This is a beautiful thing. Not the protest itself – that’s idiotic. Rather the very idea that a bunch of pot heads are going to get together, at a specific time, on a specific day to do anything, besides play xbox and eat chimichangas, is glorious. Never mind they intend to actually protest something – it’s gorgeously ironic.
All in all, we're just like sand through the hourglass
I can’t wait to see the immediate reaction the government will have to strong public outcry on this important issue, when 4 dudes in a 1968 Volkswagen camper van show up at 4:38 looking confused. No doubt public opinion will be swayed directly by the shanty town of broken lawn chairs and impromptu compost piles that represents slacker utopia. Ghandi would be so proud – a bunch of stoners rallying is tantamount to a parade put on by a group of nhilists. Or, you know, whatever.
Irregardless of the upcoming siesta of a protest, the better part of 4/20 is the fact that it is also Adolph Hitler’s birthday today. This is great news if you’re heading down listen to some spoken word poetry and slow, out of time, bongo music at the aforementioned protest. Here is a sample conversation that I had in actual real life today:
me: Dude happy 4/20
Matthew McConoughey: Thanks Brah!
me: I didn’t know you celebrated 4/20
Matthew McConoughey: Oh hell ya dude. 4/20 everyday
me: That’s awesome – are all these people here to celebrate Hitler’s Birthday? Which was your favourite Nazi? Rommel?
Matthew McConoughey: Bogus :(
~~fin~~
Also, Pink Floyd sucks. There, I said it.
Rhombus Skills
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Unparalleled.
-_-
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BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS
George is Josh?
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<HurrBot> because george costanza is not enough josh in terms of men masturbating jacket
FbBoFYPBBCaR! – CRITICAL IMPORTANT UPDATE!
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A fan of the Shed has brought to my attention that this weekend is the date of doom for the FbBoFYPBBCaR! This is great news, however, since I’m way to busy lazy to have started, I think the FbBoFYPBBCaR! is going to need a few amendments.
~~Henceforth shalt begin thine amendments~~
Amendment 1: Price
I’m reducing the price from the outrageous oil boom price of $100 to the reasonable, measured and tough economic times price of $33.33. This should leave us well enough room under the trade cap to deal away Niinimaa while still maintaining a strong D-Line.
Amendment 2: Timing
Timing is everything so instead of FbBoFYPBBCaR! being due this weekend it will be due Friday, April 24 – in the evening. The official judging spot is TBA but plan to have the judging happen around 2pm on Saturday. This should leave you slackers (me) enough time to plan and build (get off my ass) something awesome (crazy).
Amendment 3: Size
SOMETIMES ITS THE MOTION OK >:(
Since Simon decided to poke logic holes in the rules, the FbBoFYPBBCaR! bridges must be between 50 and 100 cm long and greater than 15 cm wide. That should be a big enough bridge. Ladies.
~~Herein doth conclude thine amendments.~~
Another problem we might have – where can we get some weights? I have a bathroom scale I think but I’d need some help locating thousands upon thousands of kilos to test these monsters with.
Email me any ideas, problems, concerns, recipes, etc. that you may have.
Music Review: Eagles of Death Metal – Cherry Cola
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I’ve heard the name of this band before but had written them off as a band akin to Gwar or Gnarkill or something else shitty. I’m hoping its not since the lyric Cherry Cola conjures memories of Chicka Cherry Cola from that Savage Garden song that was popular in high school
I should also mention that I hate Cherries. They’re the most vile and disgusting of all the fruits, vegetables, cheeses, wines and milks on earth and the mere smell of them makes me gag. Cherry Cola, therefore is also gross. This poor song has a lot stacked up against it and I haven’t even pushed play. Its a harsh word, Cherry Cola, deal.
Hmm. I’m surprised, this is some serious low-budget 90s rock grunge shit, but it’s not what I was expecting at all. The guitar riffs remind me somewhat of Queens of the Stoneage, PreGrohl era naturally.
Cherry Cola has one hit wonder written all over it, but despite my initial ugh fuck Gwar and Cherries attitude, this is pretty good. It has catchy lyrics and a boppy rock lilt that has my head banging – despite my best efforts to keep my brain stationary.
Also, I’m totally loving this video. It’s horribly shitty and low budget, but it has a possibly THE most white-trash handlebar moutsachio since A Very Moustache Christmas 2009. Which is awesome. Oh and bikinis and a giant skull, which is also a beach ball, but it indicates that Eagles of Death Metal are in fact “hardcore”.
Verdict: Cherry Cola in itself is gross, it tastes like the devils urine, but the song is classic 90s rock. It’s changing it’s truck’s transmission on my front lawn and blowing up a rusty Bar-B-Q on the 4th of July.
Listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmkSeIuPJ4g
Karma Horn
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The other day I was driving around with a friend of mine and he got cut-off. Not taking this lying down I reached over and gave a pointed jab on his horn.
*beep*
The car blurted out the most chipper, bird-like, Sunday-morning, why hello it is good to see you this fresh spring day, happy little blat a horn has ever sung. It was melodic, a tiny symphony celebrating liberty, virtue and happiness.
So Mighty, So Righteous
I looked over at him “Wtf!? Is that your horn?”
“Yep”
“What kind of wussy-ass horn is that?”
“I… I know man… I’m sorry”
His shame was evident.
Rightfully so – how are you supposed to let the other motorist, and indeed the world, know that they are too stupid to use a mirror. Which is also why they are surely ugly. Their egregious crap driving must not be allowed to go unhorned.
Cut to the very next day. I was driving around in my car and I got cut-off in much the same way we had been cut-off yesterday. With lightning speed and ultimate precision, I stabbed my car’s horn with vigor!
*BEEE-clunk-wheeeeeze*
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
The day after scorning my friend’s horn, my own horn broke. It will now only emit an even wheezier, less effective and ultimately pathetic “horn”. If you can even call it that. My horn is now only able to muster a squeak akin to an octogenarian coughing out one last dusty breath before dying in the streets like a small town sheriff in a spaghetti western.
Stupid broken horn. I am now powerless to horn my vengeance.
That’s some Karma for you.